Then came the bad things... my grandpa fainted in the park while he was out having a stroll with my grandma. My grandma was so scared which she almost had a panic attack. Good thing their caretake knows how to do CPR and able to save my grandpa. The day after this incident, my aunt told me my cousin has hysteromyoma and the doctor needs to do a biopsy on the tumor to see if it was malignant or not. However, the doctor said it is most likely malignant due to its size. My cousin was brave and said it's really nothing as a lot of women go through it. I'm proud of her. She will need to go into detailed analysis in order to determine the course of treatment.

I have been having annual check after my lumpectomy a few years ago. The doctor said it was necessary to have annual check just to make sure. And the day of my annual check, I will usually feel very nervous. Will the doctor find something this time? Will I need to go through surgery again? It freaks me out every single time. Good thing that this year, my "existing" ones are still the same size so as long as I keep a 6-month check, then it will be safer. Phew! Because it was a woman's health centre, it was crowded with pregnant ladies with their husbands, coming for checkups. I was, of course, being assumed I was "one of them". One of the pregnant mom asked, "are you having a prenatal check as well?" I replied with a smile, "No. I'm just here for a body check". I wanted to say, "I don't have a baby, I have tumors."

I do admit I feel sad and alone. Surrounding by pregnant moms with their loving husband treating them like they are the most precious thing on Earth. And there I am, facing the fear of my life alone. Although I have been to this annual check for 2 years already, I still feel scare everytime. Back then, I wish my ex could have been there to accompany me... but who am I kidding... he was in Vancouver. Then after the breakup, I decided to go alone without anyone. No one can help you anyways and you are the one who has to deal with it. I figure if I'm not fortunate enough to find someone who treats me like "I'm the most precious thing on Earth", I better treat myself like "I'm the most precious thing on Earth".

Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year. I wish you all a very happy year of Dragon and I hope it will bring you all love, and most important of all, good health!