My best friend is finally getting married... (Remember the one I told you who was with a lover while her boyfriend was at work?... yeah, she is getting married.  And the lover?  He is no longer in the picture.)  I'm going to be her maid of honor.  I'm thinking there will be plenty of things I need to take care of with her once she has decided on the venue.  So much stuff we need to consider for a wedding really threw me off on the wedding thing... It made me think twice about getting married too... 

My other best friend is finally dating "steadily"... (Remember the one who her dentist boyfriend treated her like shit? .... yeah, she has a boyfriend now!)  And FYI, it was not the same dentist guy... but now an engineer.  This guy treated her like a princess and she has never been more happier and in love.  I'm really happy for her.  She is thinking of introducing me to her boyfriend's 2 good friends... both engineers.   They are very decent but.... they are in Toronto... *sigh... what's the point...*  I'll still keep my mind open because you never know, right?

Another very close friend of mine just told me she is expecting!!  I'm going to be an aunt!!   She is thinking of giving birth in Hong Kong instead of in London.  Weird... but she said she wants to be close to her family so they can help her and whatnot.  In London, only her and her husband, and they both feel it's too scary as they are both first-time parent.  YAY!! 

2 of my friends (not as close friends but...FRIENDS) became new mommies in May.  2 gorgeous little baby boys!  

As for me... I've decided to take on a huge project.  I'm considering buying an apartment.  The biggest purchase I have done so far in my life was pretty much my trip to Europe but this... this is like a kazillion times that.  The moment I decided to take on this "project", I feel like I have this ginormous burden placed onto my shoulders but at the same time, I feel like I'm finally a legit "adult".  My parents were very happy that I decided to take on this project because they figured I should really put my money into good use, instead of draining away bit by bit, going shopping.  

I feel that I should start really planning for my future.  I might not find a decent guy who can take care of me... even if someone who can, I have learned NOT to be dependent on him.  I need something that is my own... that can secure my future.  Worst case scenario, I at least have a roof on top of my head!  When I was discussing this plan with a good friend this last weekend, she said, she has already bought a tiny apartment in Vancouver!!   With the exact same reason!  Then I realize a few of my friends are already buying houses and apartments... and here I was, only thinking if I should get the new Rebecca Minkoff bag... At this age, I think we really need to find something that can call our own.  

But.... I will have to say goodbye to my beloved shopping malls and VIP cards...  

Oh well... I need to find a decent (with potential) and affordable place!!  ... and for god's sake... the down payment!!  I don't know how I can get this together.... 

This past week was eventful... in other people's life.

A wedding. A long-time friend, personally not too close, but known her since Kindergarten, got married to her boyfriend of 6 or 7 years. All I could say was, "It's about time." I think they started dating around the same time when I first started dating my ex. They went into a long-distance for some years but he ended up keeping his promise and marry her. Some people can walk down the aisle together. Some people walk straight down the drain. (Don't worry, I'm not sad. Just self-pitying.)

A divorce. A family friend just announced his divorce to his wife of.... less than a year. He met his now-ex-wife right after his former girlfriend of 8 years left him, when they were about to get engaged. His ex-girlfriend felt he couldn't give her the financial security she "deserves" so she left him. Mind you, he was and is an architect so I highly doubt he was on welfare. Then, he met this now-ex-wife. They quickly got married after knowing each other for a year. I knew this move was a rebound. It was too fast and too sudden. Then, came the divorce. Again, suddenly. Apparently, his wife left because again, she thought he would be wealthy enough to do all kinds of stuff for her. She returned all the wedding gifts to him and said she won't be needing those. I mean, come on now! Didn't you open your eyes when you meet him? He was the exact same position as he is now... how can you not know? I just think they both are ridiculous. The guy wanted a rebound. The girl wanted a sugar daddy... credentials and wealth. She must think every architect can make millions.

A gambler boyfriend. A friend flew to HK for a visit. I haven't seen her since college. I asked her how come she didn't travel with her boyfriend this time. She said she is on a break with him. I found out her boyfriend is a gambler... online poker gambler, to be exact. He makes his living just playing online poker. I was like "WTF?!? Is this even a real job??" She said he could make a living easily ... better than what she is making at an advertising company... working 12-14 hours a day. I was in shock and this is really my first time hearing someone who can actually make a living through gambling!! She said he rarely leaves home and every word that comes out of his mouth was blunt and somewhat hurtful. I asked her why stay with this person? She just looked at me and said, "You and I were in the position... being with a boyfriend for 4-5 years and ended up being left behind for another girl. I'm lucky to find him. I don't want to be alone at 30's. I feel too much pressure from my family and seeing other friends getting married and getting pregnant ... I want that." Poor girl. I asked her what happened when he keeps on losing at his hand of poker? He might be lucky enough now to win and make a living... but luck can come and go... then what happened? Will he get a job? She said she don't know and that's why she wanted a temporary break from him to figure things out. I don't even know what to say. I'm not the best example for her to follow, so I just kept my mouth shut.

Anyways, I sometimes feel better being single. At least, all I have to deal with is myself.

I have been super busy since my last blog...

These 2 weeks I have been "bombarded" by 2 of my best friends's love crisis:

One has a pregnancy scare where I was "literally" with her everyday (literally meaning texting and calling ... as she doesn't want her boyfriend to know. Why? Because this "scare" wasn't caused her boyfriend...) She ended up OK, not pregnant BUT she finally cleared up her mind and decided to end the relationship with her "mister" and be with her boyfriend. I know she is not happy about this decision but at least, she knows this will the right thing to do and I finally have some peace of mind.

The other friend has a major argument with her boyfriend as her boyfriend wants to take a break to "think things through". I told her it's really not that bad, as he wasn't even half as definite as my ex was. I told her to at least give him some time to think... then everyday, my phone would ring "WHY HASN'T HE CALLED YET? IS IT LONG ENOUGH YET? I THINK THIS IS IT! HE WANTS OUT... HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.... OMG... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO... HE MIGHT BE WITH ANOTHER GIRL... YOU THINK HE DOESN'T LIKE ME? YOU THINK HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE? YEAH, I THINK THIS IS THE END.... THIS MUST BE THE END... I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THINGS I SAID. BUT THEN HE CAN'T BLAME ALL ON ME, HE HAS FAULTS TOO!! BUT I STILL LOVE HIM A LOT... WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? SHOULD I CALL HIM NOW? OR..."

I just told her, "Stop talking. It's been only 12 hours since he told you he wants to "think" and here you are, spinning like a crazy broken record. Going nuts. If I were him, I would not want to hear from you... AT ALL." You THINK what I said would fend her off? No. She rapid-texted me the next couple of days. And by "rapid-texting", it means I literally didn't even need to reply, she will just fire off all things she needed to say first and then I just needed to reply, "and?" and she would continue. Her thumbs are way faster than ALL my fingers.

As for me... I went to a few singles parties to meet some new people. Not good. Why? because the majority of the crowds are women... like 8 women to 1 guy. WAY aggressive women. Tight dresses, high heels, fake laughs, heavy makeup. I was way to casual comparing to them. Guys? slim-pickings. A couple of the guys came to me to introduce themselves. They are nice but not my type. One is too "baby" for me and trying too hard to be an "adult" by throwing all kinds of finance terms and whatnot to my face. I don't know crap about anything finance so.... The other guy... very eager to please but I have no idea what he was talking about the whole night. He has this huge accent and I barely understood what he was talking about. He immediately messaged me that night and asking to meet up sometimes. I had a tough time understanding him that night... and I really don't want to continue to embarrass myself by keep on asking "Sorry? pardon? " Maybe he will think I'm deaf.

There is another guy who is cute and he gave me this cute smile across the bar. Then an aggressive lady in a tight black dress just came and swooped him away to talk to her before he could come over to introduce himself. Sigh... oh well, just my luck.

Comparing myself to these women, I'm really not aggressive enough. But then, I think to myself, shouldn't love come naturally? and not like get it while it's available!! Supplies while quantities last!!? I don't know... it's like a war zone out there... it's scary.

Last thing, I'm going back home next week!! I'm so glad I could take another leave before the year's end. (Trade-off? I will need to carry all my work stuff with me the whole time... answering all work emails daily to keep up.) It's going to be a short trip, so I'm going to make the best out of it. I need to get away from the madness of work AND dating world, and hide away in the quiet yet comfortable surrounding with all my good ol' friends. I can't wait :)

Knowing something is bad for you... going to ruin your life... and yet something, somehow is pushing you towards that and at the end, you decide to give in... Does that mean you have let your heart rule your head? or are you just easily-tempted?

Back to my dear friend. She has been back and forth on whether she should meet up with the new guy, who came for a work trip. I was texting her nonstop at work a few days ago, telling her to stop and think. I told her if her boyfriend does find out, he will leave her. She is a bit worried but at the same time, she has a huge urge to see this new guy because to her, he represents the freedom and excitement she has been longing for ... that allows her to break free from the daily grind. Everything seems mundane to her now and she gets bored very easily. I told her if she ends up with this new guy, a couple years down the road, it will be the same thing all over again... where she needs to find another new guy to ease her boredom. I have known her since grade 8 and I know she is constantly afraid of solitude and stability. (She thinks I'm weird why I don't feel bored when I'm alone because I don't go out much. Well... I keep myself busy at home... there are just so much things to do!! ... painting... watching tv... online shopping... chatting with oversea friends... I guess I'm a stay-at-home girl...)

As mentioned in my last post, a good friend of mine is cheating on her boyfriend with a guy she met on her trip. Now, the guy is coming to visit her. She has been asking me if she should see him.... what to wear (yes, even the lingerie part...) ... etc. I found the whole thing pretty repulsive but then she is my dear friend, I have to listen to her. I don't agree and I don't understand but it's her life. She has a stable boyfriend with a good professional job. She is smart enough to know that her boyfriend will be the one she will get married to, eventually. However, he doesn't provide her with the passion she needs and the excitement she craves. After all, after years of dating, the format of the relationship is bound to change from passion to stable companionship.

Seeing how hard the boyfriend is trying to keep her, it makes me feel sorry for him. He knows she has something fishy going on behind but he still decides to turn a blind eye on it. But then by how "cowardly" he is when dealing with the whole situation, I don't feel THAT sorry for him. If you cannot even fight for what you love, and decides to just cowardly pretends nothing is happening... I don't think the person is strong enough.

Anyways, the new guy is probably here now and I think my friend is going to meet up with him, while her boyfriend is still at work... working his butt off for their future. I have tried to talk my friend out of meeting this person so many times but I think the new excitement will probably drive her to see him. I have told her if she really doesn't like her boyfriend, just break up with him. There's really no need to drag the poor guy on when you have no feelings for him. She understands but she cannot do it. She still loves him. He is the kind of guy who is good on papers, up to her parents' standards, a professional... While the new guy is, a typical "passion guy" where he will text her with NUMEROUS mushy messages (I have seen them... boy... I thought my ex was THE most mushy guy... now this guy makes my ex looked like a stone-cold guy). He is all tattooed up and he is one of those typical bad boys. (But then my friend isn't the purest girl... she drinks and smokes... and used to get drunk frequently. )

The two of them are pretty much the same type of people. Now my question in my head is... will this tattoo guy really THE one for her because after all, they share the same "hobbies" and they both crave the passion and excitements that a relationship (or a fling) can give them? She doesn't plan on being together with this tattoo guy for a long time but yet she doesn't want to marry her current boyfriend neither. She cheated her ex ex boyfriend to be with her ex boyfriend...and then she cheated on her ex boyfriend to be with her current boyfriend. I told her before "once a cheater, always a cheater." She smiled while having her cigarette, "you are just too simple and naive."

Sigh... I don't understand why people make relationship so difficult and complicated. Life is hard enough ... why make more troubles for yourself?

Perhaps I am too simple and conservative but I always feel in order to build a long-term relationship, you cannot jump ship when things get tough... or in her case, when things get a bit stable/boring. Relationship needs work and together you build something that is meaningful to both.

N: She is exactly as where she is. Still waiting for the "young professional". He is still "deciding" but I can see that he is spending more and more time with her. However, because this has been going on for a long time, she is getting a little agitated that the guy still has not made it official and always suspecting when he is not with her, he will be with some other girls. (but when in fact, he was just with his friends for a guys's night). They have argued a couple of times. He wants to take time, she wants him to hurry up. So I think they are going to be like this for a little while.

J: She is still with her stable boyfriend but her heart is not on him. She likes someone else, a former coworker... a newly married guy. She has been having a crazy crush on this married guy since they started working together on a project.... even after he left the company, she still TRIED to ask him out. He is not interested but she is not letting him go. Whenever she got drunk at bars, she would not call her own boyfriend to pick her up, but this guy. I honestly really don't agree with what she is doing at all. She has a very stable boyfriend who is working hard for their future, and there she is, trying to wreck someone else's marriage. I'm starting to think that maybe being too stable is being too mundane and too easy for the other. The other person will not value you because you have made everything so easy so they don't even need to work for anything. I feel absolutely sorry for her boyfriend. I asked her before, "do you think your boyfriend know about this behavior of yours?" She said, "Of course. I know he can sense something weird going on but if he is not going to do anything, I'm not going to do anything." She is constantly unhappy because she couldn't get the person she wants. However, knowing her for years, I know she is going to get tired of this married guy eventually if he actually leaves his wife for her. She will not miss her stable boyfriend if they end up apart but she will not be happy either because there will always be someone out there who attracts her. She can't seem to be able to settle down and be satisfied.

A: Her ex wanted her back but she knew he will never be the commitment type. She did decide to give him another chance... to keep things light... as friends to see where things can take them. On the other hand, there is another guy who likes her and he has been asking her out quite frequently. She was thinking of giving her ex another chance to see if things can change, but this new guy has been very caring to her and make her happy, and willing to wait for her... she is touched. She feels this guy can give her what her ex can never give. Now that her ex is on a trip, she is now deciding if she should give her ex another chance or move on to this new guy. (But talking to her, I think she is going to move on with this new guy.)

V: She is still a "power player". She recently got a new job in a corporate and her boss is asking her out... constantly. One problem is, he is just a little younger than her dad and he is married. She is really not interested but then she is taking advantage of the situation as this will help her move up in the company. I was speechless when I heard her recent update...

Again, I think I'm the simplest of all my friends. I have nothing going on in my love life and I admit, I do feel bored at times. But sometimes, I think this is better than all the above... no?

A recent former classmate of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 10 years. They basically started dating when she was in university... and he was working right after highschool. She is now 33 and she had to break it off. The guy is devastated and she is crying everyday as well. She feels sad for having to let go of what they have built for these 10 years.

Is it necessary to become "publicly bitter" to your ex when you, yourself, have moved on with a new man/woman? For me, I really don't find the necessity to be bitter of your ex if you have already found someone new.

This actually is happening to a guy friend of mine. He and his ex broke up around the same time as my ex broke up with me. Recently, his ex has been posting really bitter comments on her facebook about how bad this year has been because of "someone" and how he ruined her life...etc. She didn't state the name but everyone knows who that "someone" is. I understand how and why she is feeling this way. Sometimes, when you have invested so much into one person, putting all your faith and dreams of your future in this person, and all of a sudden everything just shatters, this blow to your entire well-being is quite massive..... BUT, that is, if you continue to let it. My friend chose to befriend with her and continued to care about her right after their breakup because he cared for her and perhaps to ease his own guilt. However, the bitterness in her continues to take control of her, even after a year. Because his ex and I were both "left" by our man, we became close friends... you know... "misery loves company". We chatted everyday and vented our breakup and whatnot....

Then slowly, I realize I don't really want to repeatedly saying or reminding myself how hurt I am and how sad I am... I got kind of sick talking about it. I wanted to remember my ex as the person who I was with back then... how nice he was to me... not when he broke up with me... not who he is now. The person he is now is different to me. That somehow served as a closure. There's really no point of posting nasty and bitter stuff on my facebook to "show" my ex and others how much damage he did (well... doing this blog is a separate thing~ My ex didn't know about this blog...does that still count?). However, my friend's ex-girlfriend has apparently moved on and start to date other people, and rumor has it that she is now with a new boyfriend. My guy friend was a little pissed. Not because she is now dating someone new... but now that she is with someone else, she still cannot stop bad-mouthing him. My friend chose to keep his mouth shut and take everything in. At first, I told him, "SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LEAVING HER!! You deserve to suck up this bitterness!" This was like a few months after their breakup. Now, they have past their one-year breakup anniversary, I felt, "Is it really necessary to continue to be this bitter?? even when you already have a new boyfriend?" Perhaps this new guy is a rebound for her? so that's why she feels the need to continue to be bitter? My friends always say out of his ex and I, I'm healing much better. I'm able to get my life back and stand back up again. I wouldn't say this is a competition. I think I really don't want to go back to the days where I cry every single day and not being able to focus on anything. I hated it. I hated how useless I was and how clingy and weak I felt. If he didn't want me, I have to "want" myself and be good to myself. If you can't even be good to yourself, who will guarantee to be good to you? I'd rather let go then to hold on to grudges towards my ex.

I don't know... if I'm dating someone new, my focus will be on the new guy. Why would I still want to continue wasting my time bad-mouthing my ex? What do you think? Is her bitterness justified when she is now dating someone new?