A common conversation
momojae

Last Friday, I went out with a dear dear friend of mine, J...

J: "You know what, I think it's time for you to leave your "spinster and dog" vibe and come join the real world. I just can't bear to see you turning yourself into a hermit."

Me: "What's wrong with that? At least he won't all of a sudden leave me for no reason... I'm good with Goggie right now. He basically occupied my mind because I constantly need to look after him... and besides... you know I'm really not in the mood to date right now... "

J: "Well, not exactly. Meet some new guys and who knows, you might find someone good! I know some young professionals out there. Make some new friends!"

Me: "Yeah, no thanks. If I can't even keep my ex... what makes you think I can keep a *air quote gesture* "professional" boyfriend?"

J: "OK... let me show you this guy I have been meaning to introduce to you... *searching her blackberry for photos* THIS GUY!! see? he is a lawyer and he is a runner and a hiker. AND he doesn't smoke! He is a good guy!"

Me: *Look at the guy's pic* "Yeah, he is my type... but I'm not feeling it. Somehow he just doesn't look right."

J: "Yeah, no one looks RIGHT to you except your ex. Honestly, what the hell do you even see in your ex??"

Me: "You are not the only one. I don't even know why... the majority of my friends don't understand why."

J: "I don't like him the first time I met him. He is just too weird... doesn't look too appealing."

Me: "...."

J: "Honest... I think you deserve someone much much better than him. I thought to myself 'she can get a much better guy than this guy! What is she doing with him??' the moment I met him."

Me: "Thanks for the hindsight... you made me feel like an idiot."


The above is just one of the common conversations I had with my friends after my breakup. They all have one thing common: I deserve a way better guy than my ex. Apparently, my ex worth shit to them. I didn't like my ex the first time I met him, and for the first couple months of dating, I never thought it was long-term. He is not a professional, he has no money, no looks, no degree, a trivial job... etc. But slowly, when I got to understand who he is and how driven he is to succeed in establishing his own business, I kind of admired him and he slowly melted me. He grew up in a tough surrounding so it makes him very determined to succeed. He has to work for everything he has right now. To me, that means so much more to me than dating some rich kid where nice things will fall into their lap without even asking.

Until I find someone worthy, I don't think I want to take risk of getting hurt again. One time is bad enough.

photo: weheartit
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Best Laid Plans
momojae


You don't like it in the shadows
You won't let me shine a light
I would wash away your troubles
But it seems
The more that I hold on
The more that you let go
And I know, you better let somebody love you
Or find yourself, on your own.

Tell me why all the best laid plans
Fall apart in your hands
And my good intentions never end
The way I meant

If we don't talk about the future
Then should I just, follow you into the dark
Yeah... and does your silence keep you cold
While the cracks form on my heart

Tell me why all the best laid plans
Fall apart in your hands
And my good intentions never end
The way I meant

It seems to me some fine friends have watched you turn your back
It seems you only want the things that you can't have.

Tell me why all the best laid plans
Fall apart in your hands
And my good intentions never end
The way I meant...


"Best Laid Plans" - James Blunt

photo: weheartit
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Wouldn't it be nice...
momojae

Yesterday while I was doing yoga, I had this thought in my head: Wouldn't it be nice that we arrive to this world with the preconception who will be "The One" in our life? We won't have to go through so many trials-and-errors, falling for the wrong guy or girl, and be able to just worry about finding this one person who will love us the most and will not break our heart? We just need to worry about how to make ourselves fall in love with him/her? Wouldn't it save a lot of time and tears? I'm a firm believer that there is this one particular person out there who will love you no matter what (aside from family, of course), regardless you are fat or thin, sick or healthy... etc. For me, that person is The One. Unfortunately, I have been reminded time and time again that the ONE for you can be a different person than the one you end up marrying to. THAT is harsh reality and frankly, that ain't fair. Not fair to yourself and not fair to the one you are marrying to.

It's always in retrospect where you find out the one before or the one before your previous is the love of your life. Because I always try to live without regrets, I treasure what I have... particularly relationships. I never cheated, I never nagged, I never was those girlfriends where they have to check or spy on their boyfriends to see what they are up to, I never asked him to buy anything expensive....etc. I basically studied the "what not to do" in the guys manual on girlfriend and did all but it didn't guarantee me any success.

Now it's all come down to "if it's meant to be, it will be" for me. I'm not going to do anything or force anything to happen because frankly, my past effort has been proven to be meaningless. I have done everything I can do in a relationship so I'm very disappointed that he is not The One who I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong, I never regret to be with him at all. Because I was in love and that's all it matters. It's just really sad for me that we ended up have to split.

Wouldn't it be nice if I can just cut to the chase and just worry about finding or even waiting for The One to arrive? And no need to worry if he will leave me for something I did?


photo: wehearit
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Back to the grind...
momojae
LOVE the trip. It's so refreshing to realize I haven't thought of my ex throughout the trip. Now that I'm back, it seems he is slowly disappearing in my head. It still stinks everytime I thought of him but not much pain as before. I guess seeing the world DOES help. The trip was exhausting and I almost spent ALLLLLLLL of the money in my wallet (good thing I did save enough for my train ticket to the airport!). Everything in Japan is so expensive but the good food and good shopping definitely well worth the money. Met up with a long-lost friend, who lives in Osaka, and had an amazing time also helps. When I came home, my little Corgi boy was so excited to see me! (but he looks different!! he looks older!! LOL!!)

Now I have to go back to work.... save enough... and go travel again!!

Just a taste of what I ate.... (*drool...*)



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JAPAN! HERE I COME!!
momojae
photo: weheartit

Leaving on a jet plane.... to have some much-needed fun!! I had used a big chunk of my supposedly "wedding funds" on flight tickets and hotels for this trip and I'm going to use the rest of it for shopping. Since I won't be getting married anytime soon, why not treat myself for a little trip to blow off some bitterness in me? Nothing cures a heartache better than retail-therapy and sight-see with my best friend!

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