As my friends are getting engaged, married, and pregnant, I'm becoming more and more the odd one out. Everyone seems to be moving forward but I'm back to step one. Sometimes I do feel very upset because I was "forced" to be single. People automatically think I must be weird in one way or the other that I'm still single in 30. They wouldn't think it is the guy... it's always the girl who is not good enough to keep the guy or something. Perhaps, I'm not good enough for my ex but I do think I'm at least good for someone else? That, I never doubted and my closest friends never doubted neither (You can say they are just cheering me on... but at times, this kind of support works magic! ). I do feel like Gigi in "He is just not that into you" (by the way, this movie is hitting the nail on the head... so true... so simple). I keep hitting walls in my love life but as much as I want to give up, I can't seem to do so. I swear to God that it's like something is pulling me back up everytime I'm feeling like shit. One way or the other, something.... somehow, will help me buck up. It's like telling me "Don't give up! He is ALMOST there!! Don't give up now! So close!"
My younger cousin is engaged and will get marry next year. He is by far the rudest and disrespectful person I know, and yet he manage to find love and get married. What did I do wrong here? I have been courteous to everyone my whole life... respect everyone... and yet I'm single. I always say that perhaps I should be as rude and apathetic as he is and I will find someone! HA!
Anyways, all jokes aside, I hope my instinct is right. When you hit the bottom, things can only go up... right?
Didn't I give it all? Tried my best, Gave you everything I had, Everything and no less, Didn't I do it right? Did I let you down?
Maybe you got too used to, Having me around, Still, how can you walk away, From all my tears? It's gonna be an empty road, Without me right here,
But go on and take it, Take it all with you, Don't look back, At this crumbling fool, Just take it all, With my love, Take it all, With my love,
Maybe I should leave, To help you see, Nothing is better than this, And this is everything we need, So is it over? Is this really it? You're giving up so easily, I thought you loved me more than this,
But go on, go on and take it, Take it all with you, Don't look back, At this crumbling fool, Just take it all, With my love, Take it all, With my love,
I will change if I must, Slow it down and bring it home, I will adjust, Oh, if only, If only you knew, Everything I do, Is for you,
But go on, go on and take it, Take it all with you, Don't look back, At this crumbling fool, Just take it, Take it all with you, Don't look back, At this crumbling fool, Just take it all, With my love, Take it all, With my love, Take it all, With my love.
Since last post, I have been feeling exhausted. Work has been a mess and the most frustrating thing is the mess wasn't even my fault but on the third party. It has costed our company a lot for someone else's fault. Discouraged and tired of having to resolve third party's problem... I suddenly wish to have someone to hear my work problems.
I used to tell my ex about my work happenings and whatnot because he is also in the same field. (Now thinking about it, I wasn't even sure if he was even paying attention to what I was saying anyways.) But whether he actually took in what I said or not, it was good to have someone so close to listen to you. Since the breakup, I have learned to take care of myself and be independent. I learned to resolve the problems on my own and with my coworkers. I think I talked to my ex was in hopes that he would give me a shoulder to lean on (well... metaphorically-speaking, of course). Now that his shoulder has "disappeared", I need to learn not to be emotionally-dependent on someone for sure.
I remember one time that I was talking to a good friend of mine and she had undergone an ugly divorce. (FYI, her husband is a fxxxing psycho.)
S: I sometimes wish that I have a husband at home... at least he can open a jar for me when I can't open myself...
Me: He is usually the one opening the jars for you?
S: No... he never helped. I usually have to figure it out myself. But somehow I wish I have a husband there... you know, just in case I need help.
Would you want to have someone there JUST for the sake of being there? or would you rather not have anyone there?
I think it comes down to either finding a rebound at this time to fill the void or willing to wait til you find someone you really want to be with. That's a big difference. At certain times where work is a pit, I wish to have a shoulder for me to lean on, but I want a shoulder to stay with me through the test of time.
When exactly is the most ideal time to let go and leave everything behind? Some say half of the total length of time you spent together.... some say as long as when he moves on, you move on as well... some say immediately after the breakup.... and some say never.
I feel like I'm currently stuck. Stuck in the middle. I'm not eager to meet new guys. When I go out, I'm enjoying being out... and that's about it. No wondering eyes.... no nothing. (Went to a private jazz jamming session with a friend last week and these jazz guys were very charming and talented... but hell, I felt nothing.) And I'm not yearning to go back to my ex as well. After all, he has already moved on to meeting other girls so desperately, and I see him in a different light now. Not entirely in bad light... yet not in a good one neither.
So... is this numbness a proof that I'm over my breakup now? I want to date because I love to be loved by someone and I enjoy the closeness, as if both of us are the whole world... but I feel no urge to actually go start one.
Let us pray for Japan. I have had many wonderful memories from this country and it really kills me how horrible this place has fallen in just one day. Things seem to be getting worst as the days go and I got really depressed by what I have been seeing on TV.
In the midst of this awful disaster, it makes you reflect how trivial your own problems are. They are basically meaningless when you are facing such atrocity.
Treasure what you have. Treasure all the people who love you.
One year ago, on the same day (and at the same time as I'm writing this), you decided to leave me. I was actually discussing with a consultant at the yoga club for joining the membership. After all, it was your idea that I should exercise more to keep in shape. I listened and I signed up for a year's membership and hoping to give you a surprise when you next see me. I got your email in my iPhone when I was waiting for the consultant to come back with the applications. I remember I couldn't even listen in a word from the girl's mouth. Her words sounded like movie playing backwards... didn't make any sense... My mind was blank. I stared blankly at the forms which they started to go blurry. I knew I was in a total shock and I knew my tears were about to fall. I didn't know how I got through the whole meeting and the whole time, I told myself to not cry... don't cry.... can't cry... I got out of the yoga club and out of the building. I was at the heart of the most crowded area in the city but I have never felt so alone. All the faces, as they were walking by, were blurry. My tears were starting to come out. I wandered on the streets and somehow I got to the bus stop. I really forgot how I got there... Got the bus... found a window seat and tears started rolling down uncontrollably. I tried my best to hold the tears in as much as possible but they somehow escaped. Finally got home, I just crumbled and cried ... and cried... and cried. I emailed you back saying I had to face-to-face talk to you on webcam. And you did the next day. It was the most lengthy and solemn talk I had with you. You still decided to leave. You cried because you didn't want to hurt me so much and yet you wouldn't want to stay.
For weeks after, I was crying every single day. Although you still talked to me after that day, the closeness just wasn't the same. I really miss what we had but I know you will never be that close to me ever again.
I'd be lying if I say I'm now completely recovered and completely unhurt. It's been a year and whenever I think about the same day last year, it will still make my eyes watery. Whenever I miss you, I would go back to that breakup email and read it from top to bottom again.... I would still cry but it helps extinguish my urge to miss you.
I don't yearn to be back to the way things were before because I know you are feeling a lot free-r and happier without me by your side. We wanted different things. You wanted to be free but I wanted security. You want to try your luck with different girls and different lifestyles, yet all I want is a man who will love me truly and will not think of me as a burden, and sincerely want to build a future with me. I asked myself time and time again is it because I have not done enough to keep you but honestly, I know I cannot do anything more than what I had done already. For that, I have no regrets. I had done my best to keep you and I think that is why we are not meant to be. I always feel that we met and fell in love at the wrong time.
Anyways, I know I'm getting better everyday and I know I will recover soon. You are a good man, I never doubted that, even up to this day. I know you are going to do great things in life. You don't contact me anymore perhaps you might think you will hurt me more or it might be embarrassing to you.... or worried I would be a pesky bug that will not go away.... or whatever....
But to me, you are still a dear friend of mine. And I hope you will see me the same way.
One of my very good friends recently went through a breakup (see? it's like a domino effect... a lot of the girls in my year broke up with their boyfriend... are we cursed in 2010?! or guys we dated just suddenly went nutso in 2010? HAHA! All my friends either got engaged in 2010 or they would break up. It's like there is no "middle point"!). She sent me a little excerpt of quotes by an old Chinese author, who was well-known for her woman literature (I read some of her works before... interesting read, no doubt.) I pick some of her quotes to share with you....
No matter how good this man is to you, how caring, how attentive... If he doesn't love you, this is a fatal flaw, and you will never be able to change it.
Regardless how bad your qualities are, there are always someone out there who loves you. Vice versa, regardless how good and attractive you are, there are always people who will not love you.
If you blame love for hurting you, please ask yourself, did you give out permission in the very beginning for love to come into your life?
If a person is busy, it's because he/she doesn't want to be free. If a person cannot leave, it's because he/she doesn't want to leave. If a person is making a lot of excuses to get away with things, it's because he/she doesn't care anymore.
There are things where you can never fully explain or understand. If you think it's worth it, then you will believe it is. If you think it's not worth it, and other people say it's worth it, you will not feel the same way.
Man will like a person very easily but difficult to love someone deeply and whole-heartedly.
Woman, when she is in love, will cut the world off in order to indulge herself.
Don't even strive to change someone because no one can be changed completely. It only comes down to if that person is willing to be changed for you.
Time can make you understand love, prove love, and also overthrow love.
Please don't say there are no good man left in the world. Don't hate the person who leaves you because after all, he did love you, cared for you, and made you feel loved at one point.
Not all hard work will lead to success, especially in relationship, but if you don't put effort in it, it will definitely not going to work.
You have to love yourself... no matter how depressed and hopeless you feel. The more you don't love yourself, the more unlovable you become.
Let go. Don't hold on to the things you lost. Maybe they are not meant to be yours.
Have to be independent. Regardless in love or about your finance.
If you need to find out if a man is good or bad, don't evaluate base on if he is loyal or not. Man is always tempted to look "elsewhere" ... but it's his self-control to not act on it, that's the key.
You notice that a lot of the most memorable love usually do not end in a happy ending?
Strong and confident woman is always more beautiful than a weak woman. If your lover won't love you anymore, I suggest to gather all your strength to let go and leave, than to linger on endlessly, hoping your lover will come back.
A woman can compromise is a virtue. If a woman only knows to compromise, that is a true sign of weakness.
Be a confident woman. Beauty originates from confidence.
(For guys reading this post, I hope you will still find it useful for you to pick up the pieces and move forward. )
Is it necessary to become "publicly bitter" to your ex when you, yourself, have moved on with a new man/woman? For me, I really don't find the necessity to be bitter of your ex if you have already found someone new.
This actually is happening to a guy friend of mine. He and his ex broke up around the same time as my ex broke up with me. Recently, his ex has been posting really bitter comments on her facebook about how bad this year has been because of "someone" and how he ruined her life...etc. She didn't state the name but everyone knows who that "someone" is. I understand how and why she is feeling this way. Sometimes, when you have invested so much into one person, putting all your faith and dreams of your future in this person, and all of a sudden everything just shatters, this blow to your entire well-being is quite massive..... BUT, that is, if you continue to let it. My friend chose to befriend with her and continued to care about her right after their breakup because he cared for her and perhaps to ease his own guilt. However, the bitterness in her continues to take control of her, even after a year. Because his ex and I were both "left" by our man, we became close friends... you know... "misery loves company". We chatted everyday and vented our breakup and whatnot....
Then slowly, I realize I don't really want to repeatedly saying or reminding myself how hurt I am and how sad I am... I got kind of sick talking about it. I wanted to remember my ex as the person who I was with back then... how nice he was to me... not when he broke up with me... not who he is now. The person he is now is different to me. That somehow served as a closure. There's really no point of posting nasty and bitter stuff on my facebook to "show" my ex and others how much damage he did (well... doing this blog is a separate thing~ My ex didn't know about this blog...does that still count?). However, my friend's ex-girlfriend has apparently moved on and start to date other people, and rumor has it that she is now with a new boyfriend. My guy friend was a little pissed. Not because she is now dating someone new... but now that she is with someone else, she still cannot stop bad-mouthing him. My friend chose to keep his mouth shut and take everything in. At first, I told him, "SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR LEAVING HER!! You deserve to suck up this bitterness!" This was like a few months after their breakup. Now, they have past their one-year breakup anniversary, I felt, "Is it really necessary to continue to be this bitter?? even when you already have a new boyfriend?" Perhaps this new guy is a rebound for her? so that's why she feels the need to continue to be bitter? My friends always say out of his ex and I, I'm healing much better. I'm able to get my life back and stand back up again. I wouldn't say this is a competition. I think I really don't want to go back to the days where I cry every single day and not being able to focus on anything. I hated it. I hated how useless I was and how clingy and weak I felt. If he didn't want me, I have to "want" myself and be good to myself. If you can't even be good to yourself, who will guarantee to be good to you? I'd rather let go then to hold on to grudges towards my ex.
I don't know... if I'm dating someone new, my focus will be on the new guy. Why would I still want to continue wasting my time bad-mouthing my ex? What do you think? Is her bitterness justified when she is now dating someone new?
Finally left my 20's last week. Now, I'm in a brand new chapter. I haven't had much luck in love in my 20's so I really hope things can work out better in my 30's.... I'm sick of meeting the wrong guys.
People might think as the age number increases, the chances of finding love decreases. Sure enough but it really doesn't affect me. If that person truly loves you, he will love you .... regardless of your age. No point of faking or denying the fact that you are now in your 30's. I've always seen age as a number... a pretty meaningless number (except for meeting regulations of some sort). As long as you are happy at where you are, that's all that matters. (I don't feel any older than 29!! HAHA!!)
Anyways, be true to your age and act like your age. (No point of dumbing yourself down in order to be seen as "youthful". THAT, would be pretty pathetic.) Since love is not on my side now, I have to focus on career (You ought to make something out of yourself!!).
Started a blog years ago when she was single. She dropped her blog because she found love. Now freshly single recently, she decides to start another blog to vent about her breakup. After all, blogs are easier to start and maintain... but that is not the same for relationship...
(and perhaps fashion?)
