Why is it so hard to go back to work on the first day after a long weekend?? It's almost 3:00 in the afternoon here and I'm still very drowsy... AND tired... AND lethargic... I guess I either had too much fun and felt too free over the weekend (with my 2 best friends in town) or my stomach flu decides to kick me while I'm down... *groan*... Good thing today there's not much work going on (surprisingly!!). Had lunch buffet, with unlimited sparkling wine supplied,with my cousins on Sunday... and I got drunk right after... I almost felt asleep on the street... (Oh in case you didn't know, I get drunk reaction only by a half-glass of wine. Yes, I'm a wimp. I was born to have allergic reaction to alcohol.... and I will have major redness or spots all over my body from eyelids to toes.... all red.... if I down a full glass of wine. Half a glass is still in the "uh oh" zone). Anyways, I managed to crawl back home and passed out til evening (I think my dog looked at me funny the whole time)... and then that's when the stomach flu kicked in and made me feel like a deflated balloon for the rest of the night.

I guess I'm tired with a reason this time.... or am I just lazy? probably both... *groan*... I need my strength back...

Before we get started, HAPPY EASTER LONG WEEKEND EVERYONE!!

Because this weekend is a holiday weekend, let's talk something light....er. I'm curious to know your celebrity crush(es). I know this might sound like a juvenile topic but hey, everyone has celebrity crushes!

I admit, I don't have ONE particular celebrity crush. I have a few (not in order of preference!):

Gregory Peck

(with my all-time fave actress Audrey Hepburn...) so gentleman and classy. To me, he is always the epitome of a classy gentleman.

Gerard Butler (*sigh*)

Clive Owen ... (HOT!)

I always have a thing for classy gentleman in suits. It always makes my heart flutter. (My ex is in suits all the time. When we used to date, I found I was more attracted to him when he was in suits than when he was in casual wear! HA!)

I think I also have a thing for guys with really fierce gaze. It will make me freeze AND mesmerize ... and become a zombie.

Anyways, who are your celebrity crushes?

Have you ever had a similar conversation with your friends as above? I'm getting more and more of this. I feel that I SHOULD be feeling a little discouraged because I have missed out on another "great guy".... but I'm not. To me, this is just a way of telling me that this guy is NOT the one for me... and my ONE is still out there. I can't help but wonder everytime I walk on the streets now, "Am I going to pass by the guy I'm going to end up with?"

I do feel a little excited and it keeps me wondering.... who is he going to be? what is he going to look like? what does he like?....

Oh well... If he is meant to be, he will be.

And I will meet him one day. (But... can he come into my life faster??)

She said,

"If a guy loves me when I look the most unpolished... no makeup, no fancy clothing.... and he still loves me for who I am? I know he is for real."

I know I should feel this way a long time ago but this feeling comes and goes, and I do hope it will stay with me. What am I feeling right now? Being grateful for what I have and just be content.

I figure that life is fair... I guess. We usually see and yearn to have things we don't have, and not really focus on what we do have. Some have tons of money, yet they are not happy because they lose freedom (because they need to have bodyguards around them all the time to make them feel safe. Walking around JUST BECAUSE is out of question). They can't really trust the people they are with because they are not sure if they are after their wealth or some hidden agendas. Some people have love yet they are not on the career path they wanted. They start to blame their loved one for hindering their career... their chance to succeed. Some don't have career nor love, yet they have a family who cares for them.... but they only get frustrated with their family because other things aren't working out....

I feel ashamed of myself that at one time, I would rather leave everything behind to be with my ex (mind you, this irresponsible thought was AFTER my breakup). Thinking back, it was such a stupid idea. Imagine I did run away from everything.... family and work and friends.... to be with someone who is now pursuing other girls. Is it worth it? I would be left alone without any support "networks" in my life and be with someone who already has the change of heart. That kind of sacrifice not only will give my ex a shitload of pressure, but also pointless. Talk about being STUPID. I guess I was desperate to be back to how things were with my ex that I was willing to let go of everything I have.

I guess turning 30 does open my eyes. I had been trying so hard to catch and keep something that was so out of my control and willing to forgo everything I have in order to capture those old moments. People always say to me, a breakup only makes you stronger and learn more about yourself. I don't have love in my life at the moment but at least I have a career that is going somewhere and have friends who do care a lot about me (even though more than half of them are not here with me.... oh booo...), and a family who will back me up regardless. AND I have a mischievous corgi pup to keep me company and laughing all the time when I feel alone. I always say that my pup comes to rescue me when I was feeling the lowest in my life. I should be grateful for what I have. And now I truly see the joy of being content with what I have.

I'm just as content to have a cup of hot chocolate at home, watching a DVD which I have seen many many times or listening to a jazz CD on a quiet night. For me, that beats a night of noisy club-hopping in hope to meet Mr. Right.... (who will turn out to be Mr. Wrong in the bright daylight!!)

I believe love will come to me when it's the right time. I should be patient.

And I do hope, this time, this guy will be a keeper.

Yes, the flirty McFlirt yoga instructor came back. I haven't taken his class too often after I decided "what's the point?!" about pursuing onwards with my "thought" (yes, only thought... no actions on my side because I have failed miserably in the past when I took control with my infatuation). 2 weeks ago, I took his class again because there weren't any other hatha yoga classes available at that time. During the class, he again "fixed" me (a.k.a. my postures) a couple times with a heart-warming smile. (I tell you, I think this is how he manages to melt a lot of his lady fans/students.) One time, he addressed me in the front of his class, "hey, you in the purple"... I didn't realize he was talking to me... because I was focused on holding the trikonasana pose.... "purple! purple!" I didn't realize it was me he was talking to... then he goes "purple! violet! lilac!... " then everyone giggled. I was wearing a purple top ... then realized he was looking at me when I mouthed the word "me?" and said, "yes, you silly! try to keep your front leg straight and look up!" THEN, HE WINKED AT ME IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS! I was embarrassed but I have to admit... I melted a little..... JUST a little!

A week ago, I took a hot yoga class with another teacher. Surprisingly, he took the same class as well!! I was quite surprised because I didn't know teacher will actually take the same yoga class as students. He was taking the class with 2 other yoga teachers, who are also teaching in the same yoga club. Before class, he saw me and said "hello, aqua!" I just smiled and said hi back. Then, he walked away to the mat where the other instructors saved for him at the opposite side of the room. FYI, I was wearing an aqua top.

Sigh... he is too gorgeous for me. He is the poster boy of our club. There are billboards around town with his face on them. I hope he is gay so then I won't need to dwell on this unrealistic infatuation. On the other hand, I know I must have over-analyzing the whole situation too much. He has a huge female fan base... so I believe he is just being flirty, that's all. Maybe that's how he address other people in class by colours as well?

But.... what if he... really.....? He is 33, so the age is just perfect for me... and I know he is single... but I'm too gawky.... hmmmm...

NAH... must not think too much of it. No point of giving myself false hope. I can't take anymore false hopes from guys!!