I know I should feel this way a long time ago but this feeling comes and goes, and I do hope it will stay with me. What am I feeling right now? Being grateful for what I have and just be content.
I figure that life is fair... I guess. We usually see and yearn to have things we don't have, and not really focus on what we do have. Some have tons of money, yet they are not happy because they lose freedom (because they need to have bodyguards around them all the time to make them feel safe. Walking around JUST BECAUSE is out of question). They can't really trust the people they are with because they are not sure if they are after their wealth or some hidden agendas. Some people have love yet they are not on the career path they wanted. They start to blame their loved one for hindering their career... their chance to succeed. Some don't have career nor love, yet they have a family who cares for them.... but they only get frustrated with their family because other things aren't working out....
I feel ashamed of myself that at one time, I would rather leave everything behind to be with my ex (mind you, this irresponsible thought was AFTER my breakup). Thinking back, it was such a stupid idea. Imagine I did run away from everything.... family and work and friends.... to be with someone who is now pursuing other girls. Is it worth it? I would be left alone without any support "networks" in my life and be with someone who already has the change of heart. That kind of sacrifice not only will give my ex a shitload of pressure, but also pointless. Talk about being STUPID. I guess I was desperate to be back to how things were with my ex that I was willing to let go of everything I have.
I guess turning 30 does open my eyes. I had been trying so hard to catch and keep something that was so out of my control and willing to forgo everything I have in order to capture those old moments. People always say to me, a breakup only makes you stronger and learn more about yourself. I don't have love in my life at the moment but at least I have a career that is going somewhere and have friends who do care a lot about me (even though more than half of them are not here with me.... oh booo...), and a family who will back me up regardless. AND I have a mischievous corgi pup to keep me company and laughing all the time when I feel alone. I always say that my pup comes to rescue me when I was feeling the lowest in my life. I should be grateful for what I have. And now I truly see the joy of being content with what I have.
I'm just as content to have a cup of hot chocolate at home, watching a DVD which I have seen many many times or listening to a jazz CD on a quiet night. For me, that beats a night of noisy club-hopping in hope to meet Mr. Right.... (who will turn out to be Mr. Wrong in the bright daylight!!)
I believe love will come to me when it's the right time. I should be patient.
And I do hope, this time, this guy will be a keeper.
source: weheartit
Keep the faith, girl. This time on your own prepares you for the right one.
Your post always summarizes my own feelings and wishes! I once left everything in my life to be with my first boyfriend because I was so afraid of losing him. I abandoned my parents, my school, my job just to start a future with him. And what do you know? He turned out to be a monster. An asshole would be too kind of a word to describe him. After that incident, I was so depressed, suicidal (you wouldn't believe how low I felt sometimes!) and I was single for 4 years. I was just so scared of getting hurt that I practically avoided everyone.
I love reading your thoughtful comment because that's how I feel about relationships and breakup in general too. People feel like they can hook up with anyone because they can always leave, right? I mean, working things out or trying to solve problems in a relationship takes patience and commitment so nobody wants to do that. Sometimes I feel lonely but then when I think about how someone can hurt me and take my love for granted, I just feel like being single is probably a better choice. It sounds so cliche but when I'm feeling bad about being alone, I always find pictures of Anna Dello Russo smiling always perks me up because she's single, fabulous, successful and happy in life! And who needs a guy to have a fulfilling life, right? But I know I want someone to share my life with (darn! It's a romantic in me!) but I have to remind myself that it's going to be okay even if things don't happen the way I want it to be. xoxoxoo