Last Friday, I went out with a dear dear friend of mine, J...
J: "You know what, I think it's time for you to leave your "spinster and dog" vibe and come join the real world. I just can't bear to see you turning yourself into a hermit."
Me: "What's wrong with that? At least he won't all of a sudden leave me for no reason... I'm good with Goggie right now. He basically occupied my mind because I constantly need to look after him... and besides... you know I'm really not in the mood to date right now... "
J: "Well, not exactly. Meet some new guys and who knows, you might find someone good! I know some young professionals out there. Make some new friends!"
Me: "Yeah, no thanks. If I can't even keep my ex... what makes you think I can keep a *air quote gesture* "professional" boyfriend?"
J: "OK... let me show you this guy I have been meaning to introduce to you... *searching her blackberry for photos* THIS GUY!! see? he is a lawyer and he is a runner and a hiker. AND he doesn't smoke! He is a good guy!"
Me: *Look at the guy's pic* "Yeah, he is my type... but I'm not feeling it. Somehow he just doesn't look right."
J: "Yeah, no one looks RIGHT to you except your ex. Honestly, what the hell do you even see in your ex??"
Me: "You are not the only one. I don't even know why... the majority of my friends don't understand why."
J: "I don't like him the first time I met him. He is just too weird... doesn't look too appealing."
Me: "...."
J: "Honest... I think you deserve someone much much better than him. I thought to myself 'she can get a much better guy than this guy! What is she doing with him??' the moment I met him."
Me: "Thanks for the hindsight... you made me feel like an idiot."
The above is just one of the common conversations I had with my friends after my breakup. They all have one thing common: I deserve a way better guy than my ex. Apparently, my ex worth shit to them. I didn't like my ex the first time I met him, and for the first couple months of dating, I never thought it was long-term. He is not a professional, he has no money, no looks, no degree, a trivial job... etc. But slowly, when I got to understand who he is and how driven he is to succeed in establishing his own business, I kind of admired him and he slowly melted me. He grew up in a tough surrounding so it makes him very determined to succeed. He has to work for everything he has right now. To me, that means so much more to me than dating some rich kid where nice things will fall into their lap without even asking.
Until I find someone worthy, I don't think I want to take risk of getting hurt again. One time is bad enough.
photo: weheartit
friends will always try to be protective, mainly because they care. at the same time, they are giving you advice based on their observations and have limited insight into your relationship. stay positive, look ahead and and it will happen when you least expect it.
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