I accidentally came across my old blog last night. The last entry was on September 18, 2008, and it said...
The 3 days after our "break", we decided it was pretty stupid. We already do not have enough time.... and we will definitely taking a LONG break when I leave. So .... might as well treasure what we have left and enjoy it.
My ex and I dated for 2 years and then I had to move away for better career opportunities. We did discuss of moving together but everytime, this topic would go sour. He never asked me to stay directly at that time. At first, I thought he was the most generous and understanding boyfriend, but at the same time, the fact that he didn't ask me to stay made me a bit sad (Though he did ask me if I could stay when I flew back to see him). Again, I thought this move would be temporary and there would be a mutual understanding that I would be back for him when he is ready to "take us to the next step".
Looking at this old blog of mine, it brought up a lot of somewhat painful memories. I realized how desperate I was, and helpless at the same time, to try to hold onto him. The more desperate I was, the more arguments we had. This "3-day break" was the result of it. We were both exhausted and deeply saddened by my departure. He was at the same time moving to a new place. I spent all my focus and energy on his new place because I didn't want to think that I would be leaving him soon. I remembered I counted backward every single day to see how much time I had left with him before my move. It was like a countdown... a countdown to something really bad. The dread and pressure of the "departure" made me sleepless and teary all the time. He didn't notice. He thought I was becoming more and more clingy, and not strong enough.
I read up on a lot of long-distance relationship articles on how to making it work. I was fed up with my friends when they said LDR won't work...
Bottomline, separation is not an easy thing to swallow. So when u have a friend(s) who is going through a long-distance relationship, please don't tell them "Oh... I'm sorry... LDR never works out..." because you are not only going to add pressure to ppl's relationship, you might actually affect someone's emotions and lead to their breakup. Indirectly, you proved your point that it won't work out but at the same time you have costed someone a chance to love and be loved.
I was very desperate. I didn't want the negativity to win. I wanted to prove them wrong, wanted to prove to everyone, including myself that true love can conquer all. As mentally strong and determined I was to make us work, I never thought or even expect that he didn't want the same thing. I guess that's why when this breakup came, I fell hard, really hard to a point where I doubt I would ever get back up. Everyone said I was stupid for not being able to detect his behavioral change earlier, and more stupid to believe in long-distance relationship would work. Call me naive but I still believe it will work, as long as two people BOTH truly want to make it work.
Finally, after I left, I flew back to see him whenever I can get away with. I flew 3 long-haul flights the first year... the 2nd year, I only flew once, and he wanted a breakup. I did all the things that said would be beneficial to LDR... such as webcam, so both parties will be able to share their day's happening, celebrate important dates together... "dinner dates" and "movie dates"... etc. He slowly didn't want to go webcam. That's fine, I thought he wanted to rest or hang out with his friends. But he ended up letting me know that it was too mundane for him. I thought I was not doing enough... even though I was exhausted. At the back of my mind, I knew this should be a two-way, team work thing... then "why the hell am I here doing all the work, trying to hold onto this relationship? Why can't he understand?" This thought immediately got kick out of my mind, and replaced with "how can I be a better girlfriend?"
As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work. "
I trusted him that he would bring me back to him.
Turns out, it was a lot of work for nothing.
