I don't mind whatever happened...
I don't care whatever happened...
-"Seize the Day" by Wax Tailor ft. Charlotte Savary (from OST of PARIS)
source: weheartit
Wasted my whole sunny weekend in bed... HATE it to be in bed when it's sunny out... and rainy when you need to go out...
This past week was eventful... in other people's life.
A wedding. A long-time friend, personally not too close, but known her since Kindergarten, got married to her boyfriend of 6 or 7 years. All I could say was, "It's about time." I think they started dating around the same time when I first started dating my ex. They went into a long-distance for some years but he ended up keeping his promise and marry her. Some people can walk down the aisle together. Some people walk straight down the drain. (Don't worry, I'm not sad. Just self-pitying.)
source: weheartit
A divorce. A family friend just announced his divorce to his wife of.... less than a year. He met his now-ex-wife right after his former girlfriend of 8 years left him, when they were about to get engaged. His ex-girlfriend felt he couldn't give her the financial security she "deserves" so she left him. Mind you, he was and is an architect so I highly doubt he was on welfare. Then, he met this now-ex-wife. They quickly got married after knowing each other for a year. I knew this move was a rebound. It was too fast and too sudden. Then, came the divorce. Again, suddenly. Apparently, his wife left because again, she thought he would be wealthy enough to do all kinds of stuff for her. She returned all the wedding gifts to him and said she won't be needing those. I mean, come on now! Didn't you open your eyes when you meet him? He was the exact same position as he is now... how can you not know? I just think they both are ridiculous. The guy wanted a rebound. The girl wanted a sugar daddy... credentials and wealth. She must think every architect can make millions.
A gambler boyfriend. A friend flew to HK for a visit. I haven't seen her since college. I asked her how come she didn't travel with her boyfriend this time. She said she is on a break with him. I found out her boyfriend is a gambler... online poker gambler, to be exact. He makes his living just playing online poker. I was like "WTF?!? Is this even a real job??" She said he could make a living easily ... better than what she is making at an advertising company... working 12-14 hours a day. I was in shock and this is really my first time hearing someone who can actually make a living through gambling!! She said he rarely leaves home and every word that comes out of his mouth was blunt and somewhat hurtful. I asked her why stay with this person? She just looked at me and said, "You and I were in the position... being with a boyfriend for 4-5 years and ended up being left behind for another girl. I'm lucky to find him. I don't want to be alone at 30's. I feel too much pressure from my family and seeing other friends getting married and getting pregnant ... I want that." Poor girl. I asked her what happened when he keeps on losing at his hand of poker? He might be lucky enough now to win and make a living... but luck can come and go... then what happened? Will he get a job? She said she don't know and that's why she wanted a temporary break from him to figure things out. I don't even know what to say. I'm not the best example for her to follow, so I just kept my mouth shut.
Anyways, I sometimes feel better being single. At least, all I have to deal with is myself.
source: weheartit
Now this calls for a celebration! 100th post on my birthday! WOO HOO!!
Actually, yesterday was my 31st birthday. I had a simple one. Had a very nice Italian dinner (huge fan of pastas) at my favorite Italian restaurant. Nothing spectacular but I felt loved. Lots of friends left me birthday shoutouts on my facebook, sent me emails, sent me text messages to my iphone, called me... and some even mailed me gifts from Canada and US! I will be meeting up with my close friends here this coming week for "Progressing into womanhood" celebrations (that's how they want to address my birthday dinners...)! I also rekindled with a couple of long lost friends from highschool yesterday too as they left me birthday messages on fb, and we immediately planned to get together to catch up next next week here in Hong Kong.
Suddenly, I feel so loved and I'm suddenly in the centre of attention. Love it. It's been a while I feel that way since I moved from Vancouver.
How's 31 treating me so far? EXACTLY like 29. I will stay "29" in my mind forever. I traveled quite a bit when I was 30. My 31 plan... this will be my "learning" year. I will be starting my year-long Intro Italian course next week. I think having Spanish background will give me an advantage on Italian. When I completed the whole Introductory, Intermediate, and Advance certificates, I will go to Italy again. That's my goal. Then, I'm also thinking of taking introductory drama class at the local performing arts college. I hope my work schedule will allow it... if not this coming term, I will try to see if I can squeeze into the fall term. I'm also thinking of taking cooking classes... Lots of things I want to learn...
Screw D!! Screw W!!
source: weheartit
At 31, I'll have my cake and eat it too!
(Well...if I learn baking, I can BAKE my cake and eat it too!!)
This soundtrack was one of my all-time favorites ... I actually bought this CD back in ... I think it was grade 6 or 7. I have forgotten why I would pick this one up when I was at such a young age. Funny enough, I have NEVER seen this movie neither but I absolutely loved and still love this soundtrack.
Since the news of Whitney's death, this song suddenly popped up in my head. I'm not a huge fan of Whitney but I love this song from her. I can fully understand the lyrics in these songs now, the meaning behind them. It's like a female-empowering soundtrack.
Rest in peace, Whitney.
I have been in hiding from writing blogs for a while. I find that if I have nothing to write about, I better not write it at all...
I have been feeling... nothing. Absolutely nothing... for quite sometime now. No highs, no lows. No motivations, no depression. No anger, no smile-from-the-heart neither. I'm pretty sick of this feeling. You might wonder, am I having a relapse of my ex again? No... not really...
Actually... a little. Not my ex, who JUST left me... but the guy before him, D. I dreamed of him several nights ago. I remembered our times together when we were in school. I had a huge crush on him through the semester. By the time I found out he feels the same, it was already too late. We were a couple for a short time before he left for grad school. It was short... too short. I'm starting to think if my ex, W, was right... I was just desperate. Not desperate to have a life partner, but rather for someone to fill that void D has left me. I never had any second thought about W at all. When I was with him, I was with him 100%. No second-thoughts, no temptations... and I was ready to spend my life with him.
source: weheartit
After this huge disappointment and heartache W has caused me, I started to think, if D and I were together, maybe none of this gut-wretching pain would happen... maybe we would have been married already... maybe I'm already a mom or so... or maybe... maybe...we would end up in the same place as we are right now. He is still living in Vancouver... I guess things will end up the same as it is right now.
D is still single (yes, I facebook-stalked him and a mutual friend told me so. She is also a mutual friend with W as well... but D and W have no connections at all). I once wondered if I should get my friend to re-connect D and I again. But then, this idea soon fades. If I so desperately wanted to re-connect with D, would I be using D as a rebound?
Honestly, I understand that things can never be the same again. What we had back in college is long over. My time in his life has passed. I was only the tiniest chapter in his life. I blamed myself for not pulling myself together and confess earlier (but I also blamed him for being such chicken-shit).
Everything is meant to be, meant to happen. As if the route has already been mapped out for us. Every decision we make, is just like a direction that is pointing to where we need to, or destine to go. I loved D, but I loved W more. But they ended up both leaving me behind. I always wonder if I have done something terribly wrong before ... when it seems so easy for all the people around me to find the right guy... even when some of my friends sleep with other guys behind their boyfriend... whereas, I have to keep hitting walls when I'm totally devoted.
Maybe the guy who is the one for me aren't them. Maybe D and W are just the obstacles I need to go through before I finally understand myself and be content with who I am, so I won't screw up my destined relationship. I really hope this guy will not be far away... because I'm really tired. Tired of this numbness.
source: weheartit
On a happier note (for others), tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I wish you all a very romantic Valentine's with your love. As for me, the singles...
source: weheartit
... this is EXACTLY what I'm going to do.
Over the last few weeks, it was quite eventful. I went on my first (ever) work trip to China and I learned a lot. Not only on work but how people live and their work ethics. I was born in Hong Kong but I was raised in Vancouver so for me, China is like a new "dimension" for me. Anyways, work trip was work for me. And I have been fascinated by the vast varieties of sewing machines... or machines related to fashion... such as ginormous dyeing and printing machines etc... and I was such a toad only know how to work the sewing machine, the serger, and the buttonhole machines... oh... and let's not forget the manual snap machines. There are so much to learn and only one trip has opened my eyes so much.
Then came the bad things... my grandpa fainted in the park while he was out having a stroll with my grandma. My grandma was so scared which she almost had a panic attack. Good thing their caretake knows how to do CPR and able to save my grandpa. The day after this incident, my aunt told me my cousin has hysteromyoma and the doctor needs to do a biopsy on the tumor to see if it was malignant or not. However, the doctor said it is most likely malignant due to its size. My cousin was brave and said it's really nothing as a lot of women go through it. I'm proud of her. She will need to go into detailed analysis in order to determine the course of treatment.
I have been having annual check after my lumpectomy a few years ago. The doctor said it was necessary to have annual check just to make sure. And the day of my annual check, I will usually feel very nervous. Will the doctor find something this time? Will I need to go through surgery again? It freaks me out every single time. Good thing that this year, my "existing" ones are still the same size so as long as I keep a 6-month check, then it will be safer. Phew! Because it was a woman's health centre, it was crowded with pregnant ladies with their husbands, coming for checkups. I was, of course, being assumed I was "one of them". One of the pregnant mom asked, "are you having a prenatal check as well?" I replied with a smile, "No. I'm just here for a body check". I wanted to say, "I don't have a baby, I have tumors."
I do admit I feel sad and alone. Surrounding by pregnant moms with their loving husband treating them like they are the most precious thing on Earth. And there I am, facing the fear of my life alone. Although I have been to this annual check for 2 years already, I still feel scare everytime. Back then, I wish my ex could have been there to accompany me... but who am I kidding... he was in Vancouver. Then after the breakup, I decided to go alone without anyone. No one can help you anyways and you are the one who has to deal with it. I figure if I'm not fortunate enough to find someone who treats me like "I'm the most precious thing on Earth", I better treat myself like "I'm the most precious thing on Earth".
Tomorrow is the Chinese New Year. I wish you all a very happy year of Dragon and I hope it will bring you all love, and most important of all, good health!
source: weheartit
"There are those who think that I'm strange
They would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
That you wouldn't have me any other way... "
They would box me up and tell me to change
But you hold me close and softly say
That you wouldn't have me any other way... "
- "Anchor" by Mindy Gledhill
