P.S. - We are official boyfriend-girlfriend now.  According to him, I'm his "potential wife".  :)  He is the kind of person who doesn't take relationship too lightly.  He said he will make it "official" when he sees me as someone he will marry.  He just cannot call someone his "girlfriend" if he cannot see marrying.  Let's hope that he will do what he says he would!  

It's been a while since I blogged.  Yes, things are going well and stable with me and C.  We have the same strong feeling towards each other and we enjoy each other's company.  We can make each other laugh and he is very caring at the same time.

But knowing the fact that he might leave sometime soon makes me upset...  It's like, why my relationship always get torn by long distance?  He might need to go back to the States to see his dad who is recovering from a surgery.  His mom wants him to go back to help.  He is depressed as he doesn't want to go but at the same time, he feels the need to be with his parents at this difficult time.  He fears that he might not be able to come back once he left... or he wouldn't know WHEN he can come back.  To me, equally sad.  Of course I never want him to leave but at the same time, I can't be selfish to keep him by my side and let his parents face this time alone.  We are now trying to find a compromise in between.  I just hope that whatever this is, it can be a win-win situation.

We are now taking it day by day, enjoying it while we can.  Very bittersweet each time we see each other.  He is avoiding to face the fact that he needs to go because he will get very very upset.  I sure as hell don't want to bring it up because it will make me tear up.

Feeling sad and at the same time knowing we need to do the right thing, is killing us both.

Yes, you read it correctly.  Almost.  Close.  I'm ALMOST in love.

I have been going out with the marketing guy, C.  I caved and met up with him before mid August... as I said I would in my last post.  After that first date, we have been going out almost every 2-3 days.  He is a sweetie.  I think because he is bigger  (I wouldn't say he is chubby but somehow just big...), I feel like I'm hanging around with a ginormous teddy bear.  I feel safe and protected.  He is silly and loves to make me laugh... yet at the same time, he is very dedicated on his business.  He loves to hug me and likewise for me.  We text each other every single day... asking each other how their day goes... what they are doing... what they are seeing throughout the day... It was sweet.  I haven't felt like this for a long time.

I told him that we've only met each other online a little less than a month ago... went out on our first date less than 2 weeks ago... but I feel like we are really comfortable with each other as if we have known each other for a long time.  He said he felt exactly the same... it's weird.  A lot of my friends said I shouldn't rush into this relationship but take time to know each other first.  I guess they feel that I'm not as patient as I should be.  I understand this relationship is still too early... too green... but I feel like I want to be with him.  I like to be with him.  He has stopped responding to his matches on eHarmony and planning to take off his profile... "I just don't think I care to look any further now that I've met you..."  He said he wants to discover more about me before moving to the next step because he feels if he moves this forward, he has to see his girlfriend as his potential wife as well.  If not, he wouldn't want to proceed.  When we hang out, he asks me a lot of the future questions... like what's my take on kids... how many kids I want... my take on marriage... where to live after married....etc.  We are more or less on the same page.

What made me feel a little iffy is... if we are all compatible and if he is as crazy about me as he said he is.... then what are we waiting for?  My friends said I shouldn't dive head-over-heels for him just yet and still need to date other people because I shouldn't take him seriously until we are exclusive.  Everyone is telling me to take this relationship casually for now...

I don't know.  If I take him casually, I might as well just take him as a normal friend.  What we are feeling for each other is way more than just normal friends.  So, I honestly don't know how to be "casual" with him...  He is just too sweet~

And yes... I finally smile from the heart now.   :)

I recently have been introduced to eHarmony by a friend.  She sounded like one of those cheesy testimonies on eH's TV ads.  She is a flight attendant, so you know she cannot look shit-faced.   However, she has been someone rather luck-less in love.  The guys she dated always had commitment-phobia.  She decided to give eH a try, and she met 2 guys who went NUTS about her.  Freaks?  No, they are good-looking men with very decent jobs (she showed me the pictures of them going on dates... definitely NOT freaks or butt-uglies).  One is a realtor (who has quite a few properties of his own) and the other one is an owner of a logistic company.  I always tell her, "you lucky bastard..."

I have been living under loud loud renovation noises for over a month already.  I'm going insane soon.  Both my neighbors... upstairs AND down were moving out, their flats are now BOTH renovating.  At work, the building itself is doing some renovations as well.  I'm going crazy soon.  Until I find my peace of mind... or at least they stop the renovation process.... I will be back.  I can't even seem to go through a day without feeling sooooooooo irritated and sooooooooo draining these days.  So, apologies if I have been hiding in my shell for a bit.  I can't think straight... with these heavy drilling and hammering noises.  I guess, that's the fun of living in Hong Kong.

I'm about to bite someone...

One of my absolute favorite songs.  I tried to find it for a few years but I just couldn't seem to have any success in getting the CD.  Either the imported CD site sold out or they had her albums but just not the CD with this song.

Then I gave up... and completely forgot about this song for like 2 years.

Yesterday, this song came up randomly when I was browsing Youtube for a clip for my homework.

When you keep on searching, it will not appear.  Just when you have completely given up, it will come back to you unexpectedly.

(Now I wish I could understand Portuguese...)

Have I mentioned that I went to see my tarot reader a few weeks ago?  I went to get a reading on my career because lately, it's been quite shitty.  I've been pulling my hair out every single day because it seems NOTHING can go smoothly... there's ALWAYS something wrong.  The fortune-teller assures me I have chosen the right career path and I'm meant to be in this industry (FYI, if you are thinking of going into fashion/garments, you really need to think twice before you put your foot into the door.  It's NOT as glamorous as people have imaged and definitely not as fun as the movies are depicting!).  Anyways, I have been yelled by my customer for things that weren't even my fault.  Since I'm in charge, I get the blame.  Oh well... the cards said I need to slowly accumulate... "drip by drip" (The card actually had a picture of water dripping little by little into a well!)  MY GOD...

Then, I figured, since I'm here, why not a reading on my non-existent love life?   I swear that I wasn't even planned to ask about love because I heard if everything is still status quo, no need to ask.  And I ended up asking...

I couldn't remember precisely what cards I got but I remembered the fortune-teller's expression when she opened the whole spread.  ALL SWORDS.  She said, "wow... all swords.  It means you are way too analytical of everything around you."  I got NINE OF SWORDS this time.  She said this card is not a good card to get because there is still this massive pain in me.  I disagreed, "Well, last time you did a reading for me, I had TEN OF SWORDS!  I think I'm getting better.... one less sword!! HAHA!"  She laughed.  She said I have to right attitude and she believes slowly, my cards will start to rid SWORDS and will have more positive cards in the spread.

The reason I have so much swords in my spread, she explained, is I am fencing myself off to ANY outside factors, be it new people, new environments, or even new opportunities.  It's like I'm frozen in a  block of ice.  People can see me, but they can't touch me.  In another words, I've been scarred and I'm afraid people will wound me again.  Now, the cards's advice to me is I need to break out of my shield.  I can't hide myself just because I am afraid to get hurt again.

She said in the cards, she can see that there are potential guys trying to approach me but as soon as they sense the bitterness and sorrow in me, they head the other way.   (Wow... maybe my bitterness was really overpowering... like a skunk walking outside on the sidewalk and still stinks up the whole entire house!!)  She said I am getting better but I need to open up a lot more in order to welcome people in my life.  Putting fence all around me is not going to help at all.

It is wayyyyyyyyyy harder to do.  As soon as there are guys looking at me or even try to make a conversation with me, I will be like (in my head, of course), "WHAT?!  What do you want?  What are you trying to do?  What's your motive?  Are you trying to steal something from me?  Why are you being so nice??!! Don't you sweet-talk me.  I don't buy that bullshit."  See? It's like I have an uncontrollable defense mechanism...   She suggested I should STOP analyzing... just go with the flow.  Don't be so over-protective of myself.

This is real challenge.  I don't even know if I will EVER completely open up to the way I used to.  Pouring your guts out to someone takes a lot of trust.  I used to have that trust but I don't seem to have it anymore.  And I really don't think I will ever regain that.  I know even if I ever meet a guy, I'm going to keep some distance because "the only constant in life is change".  No one can guarantee they can stand by you forever.

Nonetheless, I will still try to make a difference in me.  I think if I put some dedication in opening myself,  I might be able to shed some bitterness.  I know I eventually can do that... but it just takes time.

Didn't realize I have not blogged for more than a month.  There were so many things happened and still happening (didn't realize Blogger's interface has changed neither!) ... mainly BIG THINGS.  I think these mark a brand new chapter in my life.