I flipped through the sketchbook... and then I found a page where I wrote a detailed itinerary of things we could do if my ex comes to visit me. I had a plan of things we could do and places we could go from morning til night during his visit. There are a lot of things on that page. I could feel how excited I was and how much I wanted to share with him...

Needless to say, my tears started to come down when I was reading it. After more than a year, something like this still gets the best of me. I was happy and was so sure (even from my last post) that I was over the whole thing, and a sudden discovery of things like this still hits me like a ton of bricks. It still hurts. I bet he has already thrown away all the things I bought him or made for him and I don't expect him to keep any of them anyways.

I tore out the page from the sketchbook. At first, I wanted to put it into the box where I keep all his things to me (which is not a big box. HA!)...locked away... but then I decided to rip the page apart. If he could have such an easy time getting over me and our relationship, I don't need another thing to make it tougher for myself to get over him.

I know I am on the way to recovery... so please don't pull me back suddenly... like today.