When he said that in his breakup letter, it truly made me wonder, "does he know what he is talking about??" He said we were both desperate people where he was hoping to find a girlfriend to make him less lonely and I looking for a life partner. I was mad when I read that. He can say that for himself but definitely not for me. It took me a year and a half to finally open up to him and trust him enough to be his girl. If I'm as desperate as he said, I would've fallen for him the first moment we met, no questions asked. THAT would've been desperate. Frankly speaking, I didn't have any high hopes when we first started and I thought this would just going to last a month or so. Over 4 years together, I grew to love him more and more. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't like to open up unless I'm sure you mean no harm and you are trust-worthy. I was scared to start a relationship. I had a fair share of weird guys so it took me a long time to see that he was not one of them. And he didn't disappoint me.

He had been so sweet and loving. We were in love and he asked me if I would marry him later on, when he becomes a bit more well off. First time he asked, it was at our 6-month dating anniversary. I was really surprised when he even popped out a promise ring (yes, he was nervously shaking when he gave me that... so sweet). I wasn't sure at the time because it was so fast and I understood it was just the excitement of a new relationship that was doing the talking. I told him, "we can discuss that when you are ready". After a year or so, he brought the marriage topic up and he said he was planning to make me his "wifey". We both smiled and at that moment, I knew in his eyes, he meant it. Before I moved across the Pacific for work in hopes to earn more money and to help him develop his business, he gave me another promise ring when I leave. He promised to love me for a long time and we would work hard together for our future. He also promised that the next ring would be THE ring. As much as I really don't want to move and be away from him, I needed to work towards our future and his business while he works his day job to finance his side business. I thought it was a short-term move and again, thought there was a mutual understanding between us. After I got a job, I secretly started to save up for our wedding as well because all along, I thought he was serious of us and it would be appropriate to start saving bit by bit so it wouldn't stress him out too much when we actually do the planning. Everytime, I flew back to see him, we would walk around his neighborhood and we would plan which building to rent and whatnot... what to do after he gets off work everyday where we can walk the dog along the promenade and get some icecream... home-cooking.... everything was just beautiful to me. I felt loved by him. I didn't expect him to do a lot for me but as long as I know I'm in part of his life planning, I'm already content. Simple as that.

Everything now is down the gutter. Dreams shattered and the harsh reality kicks in. I'm left with 2 of his so-called "promise rings" that symbolize his broken promises, alone across the Pacific. He said to me at the time of breakup that he had learned NOT to promise anything from now on and he said all those sweet things to me was because he THOUGHT these would be what I wanted to hear. It broke my heart to a million pieces to know it was all fake. For someone who didn't expect to get married, he sure painted me a beautiful picture of what our future would be like, and then he decided to single-handedly tear everything apart.

I don't think he will ever understand how much damage he did to me until he actually goes through the exact same treatment - putting you on top of the world and then drag you down to hell.